Review: When a Parent Has Cancer
A Guide to Caring for Your Children

This year Wendy Schlessel Harpham was honored by the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship as a leader in the survivorship movement. She is a physician, BMT veteran, author, wife and mother. In the early nineties, when she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, she was forced to think about her disease and treatments from several different perspectives. With the distinctive voice of a patient/physician, she wrote and ordered the information in her first book Diagnosis Cancer: Your Guide Through the First Few Months. The challenges implicit in her post-transplant recovery period, inspired her to write her second book, After Cancer: A Guide to Your New Life. Her third and most recent book, When a Parent Has Cancer, A Guide to Caring for Your Children, is perhaps her most unique and compelling work. At the very least, it is a reading must for any parent who is a cancer/transplant survivor.

"You may give them your love, but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams." Kahlil Gibran on Children

By her own account, when Harpham received her initial cancer diagnosis, her first thoughts were for her three young children. She was immediately "overwhelmed by the thought of them, not yet two, four, and six years old, suffering emotional damage because of my illness. The idea of them possibly losing me was unbearable." She knew that life with cancer and its attendant treatments would not be easy and she wondered how she could possibly meet her responsibilities as a parent under such physically difficult and emotionally stressful circumstances. Cancer forced her to fully embrace the parenting that she could do each day, and it generated in her "an urgency to create a wealth of life-enhancing examples and experiences" for her youngsters.

What makes When a Parent Has Cancer so special is that it is written practically and courageously from the heart of Harpham's personal parenting experiences. Her wisdom is clearly stated and profound; and the pages of her book are filled with concrete advice and specific plans for helping children through the various phases of a parent's survivorship. Harpham understands the importance of creating a "new normal" for families who are coping with cancer. And most importantly, she suggests concrete ways to face fear, anger, guilt and uncertainty, so that parents can empower their children and protect their need for stability and normalcy.

Included in the sleeve of When a Parent Has Cancer is a marvelous companion piece for children. Harpham, with the help of her sister's illustrations, has also written Becky and the Worry Cup. Inspired by her own daughter's emotional needs, it is a thoughtful adjunct to the main text as it tells the story of a young child's experiences with her mom's cancer. It may be read by children of all ages, either alone, or in the company of a parent. Becky's story is so skillfully detailed that it is guaranteed to help facilitate effective family conversations. In addition, it is therapeutic in nature and gives both parent and child concrete mechanisms for coping with the fear and anxiety caused by a chronic illness.

If you are looking for solid and sensitive advice about raising your kids when cancer is a part of your family, then invest in a copy of When A Parent Has Cancer. It will encourage you, as Harpham writes, to "use the power of your love to help your children heal and grow." And don't be surprised if in helping them, you find that you've also helped yourself!